Time and time again

We met at the gym quite a bit. Eventually we figured out how to make it work, and although I was still nervous as fuck every time, it got better and better.

Rest stops and parking lots. Anywhere we could meet, we fucked. It was ridiculous and I loved it. Several times I had him come to my work and we snuck outside to the stockade area and had sex between pallets of wood pellets.

This is exactly the kind of stuff fairly tales are made of.

For months this went on. Eventually his mom asked me if I had anything to do with his son coming in on an almost daily basis. The smile on my face gave it away. Eventually I stopped being shy about letting people know how badly I wanted to mount Dan like fucking Sea Biscuit. Everyone thought it was hilarious, no one knew it was already happening.

We got cocky in our ability to be sneaky. Occasionally the girls from work would want to hit up the bar together. And from time to time Al would want to join us. We always went to the same bar, the Nite Cap – the epitome of shit hole dive bars. I would always ask Dan to come. He would come in nonchalantly, see us all at a table and ask to join. I remember one night sitting at one end of the table, Dan on one side of me and Al on the other. It was a weird feeling. The girls from work knew how I felt about Dan, the next day it was all they could talk about.

I stopped for lunch at the Nite Cap one day, it was just Al and I. I got us a table while he went to the bathroom. Because I was there so often with Dan the bartenders knew what we wanted to drink before we even sat down. One of the waitresses brought over the usual to the table and when Al came back from the bathroom you could tell he was confused, the beverage that was delivered was not something he would ever order.

Things got kicked up a notch. My boyfriend was out of town for work. I knew it was wrong but I asked Dan to come to my house. So bad but it was so hot. The risk involved made it that much better.

It wasn’t long before he invited me to his house. I don’t know if it had the same effect on him as it did on me. Walking into their house made me feel…jealous and at the same time it gave me this overwhelming feeling of accomplishment. Laying on their bed for the first time gave me an almost inexpiable feeling, I imagine it could be compared to being the first person to climb Mount Everest and mark your territory with a flag.

After about a year of this constant sneaking around something had to change. I interviewed for a job I never thought I would get. When I was offered a job, 2,5 hours from home, I knew I had to take it. I needed an excuse to break off my relationship. I loved my boyfriend, but I knew what I was doing was wrong. I couldn’t torture Al any longer.

I am not a fan of confrontation. A new job meant no awkward conversation about being unfaithful. It also meant a better life for myself. When I told my boyfriend I needed to take this job we both cried and held each other. He agreed that it was a good opportunity. And I think secretly we both agreed that “we can make it work” was a lie.

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