Passion

A friend of mine was at the house the other day. We were talking about relationships. 

Her relationship of 7 years had just ended. She said “He may not have been the best to me but the one thing we did have was passion. And I just don’t see that in your relationship. It seems like you’re just going through the motions.”

I haven’t been able to stop thinking about that. As I sit here in passengers seat of my husband’s truck while he drives us across the state it’s the only thing on my mind. There is no passion. 

Hugging and kissing him has become a chore. And we haven’t had sex in several months. It bothers him, we talk about it often. Well, he complains about it often. We tried to talk about it just now and it turned into an argument. 

Bottom line – I just don’t want to do those things. And I don’t know how to change it. It’s not like I want to do those things with other people either. So please don’t think I’m out dry humping strangers. 

A lot changed for me when I found out what my husband was up to on Craigslist. And I know that he hasn’t been on since. But it shook me to my core. And it’s more than just that. The pregnancy, the postpartum depression, the ongoing struggle to find happiness…all of those things are affecting my drive to be intimate. 

But as I sit here with my seat laid back and my feet up on the dash I continue to think about that word – PASSION. And when I think of passion I think of Dan. We had enough passion to last a lifetime, too bad it ran out when I got married lmao

I’ve dreamt of him often lately. And although I know I couldn’t bring myself to cheat on my husband I often think about just calling him up and having him meet me somewhere for a parking lot randevous. I can picture how it would be. And I know that it would be one for the record books.